she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize