so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
