Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
