Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
