Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
