I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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