I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
