So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
