she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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