I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Send help, water and tortillas.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize