Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
