I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
