My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
