me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
