I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
