never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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