are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
