Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
