Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
