Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
