Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
