I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
