just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
