i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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