You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
