i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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