you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
