nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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