Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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