make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
