His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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