I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
