Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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