i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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