Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
