Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize