i don't plan on having that self control this summer
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
