can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
