it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
