my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
