so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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