nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
