Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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