No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize