I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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