I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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