i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
