omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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