p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
