And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
