FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize