I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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