you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
