Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize