You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
