i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
