hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
