Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
