Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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