Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
