oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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