Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
