ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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