Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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