saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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