new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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