he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
