dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
