didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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