You're my little dorito
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize