No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
