omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
