I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
