She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
