3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
